" guarantees "

 [ "guaranteed" ]

1: A term incredibly overused in advertising.

  * e.g.,  ... "OMFG!!! SATISFACTION GUARANTEED!!!!!!1!1!11111!!one" 

 [ "guaranteed" ]

1: When you agree with something, Think something is good, see a attractive female

  * e.g.,  ... "ooohhh blaitenly guaranteed" 

 [ "guarantee" ]

1: A word that we commonly use that is one of the hardest words out of the dictionary to spell correctly. Most people just use spell check to fix it, but without it spelling this word right is frustrating. A straight pain in the ass.

  * e.g.,  ... BEFORE: Therefore I gaurentee that the facts support my thesis. F**K I never spell this word right, thank God for spell check. After: Therefore I guarantee that the facts support my thesis. Ah, there we go maybe I'll spell it right next time. 

 [ "guarantee" ]

1: I used to be very stuck up, uptight, verklempt

  * e.g.,  ... Now with a 30 day guarantee 

 [ "guarantee" ]

2: Until i discovered Mega Joshy 3000 Alpha Plus

 [ "guarantee" ]

3: Now I can actually lay down naked and relaxed with the lights on

 [ "guarantee" ]

4: If I can do it

 [ "guarantee" ]

5: You can do it too

 [ "guarantee" ]

6: Try Mega Joshy 3000 Alpha Plus

 [ "guarantee" ]

7: And become the person you always longed to be

 [ "guarantee" ]

8: Mega

 [ "guarantee" ]

9: Joshy

 [ "guarantee" ]

10: 3000

 [ "guarantee" ]

11: Alpha Plus

 [ "guarantee" ]

1: A guarantee is the inverse of trust.

  * e.g.,  ... Rhys Muldoon: "I trust Amanda Vanstone. If I left her alone in a room with a bucket of fried chicken, I'd trust her to eat it up. I'd also trust her to then launch a national inquiry into who ate the chicken." 

 [ "Ryan Guarantee" ]

1: Term used to describe something that is almost guaranteed to happen. A Ryan guarantee is worth 90% of an actual guarantee

  * e.g.,  ... I give you a Ryan guarantee that I wont drink too much tonight 

 [ "Fraud Guarantee" ]

1: A super stupid name for a technology firm that is supposedly set up to protect its customers from being defrauded but may be the direct connection with the savvy fraudsters themselves.

  * e.g.,  ... Let’s just say that when I found Fraud Guarantee I was entirely solvent but after doing business with Mr. Parnas for about a year, I was living in my car. 

 [ "fact guaranteed" ]

1: A "fact guaranteed" is an emphatic affirmation of a thing or a situation (usually positive), that is either held to be true or about to happen. Something agreed upon. A promise, a binding oral contract.

  * e.g.,  ... person 1: you going to Rock Werchter hey? 

 [ "Korm Guarantee" ]

1: The firmest assurance that certain conditions will be fulfilled; a promise that should never be doubted.

  * e.g.,  ... Daniel gave a Korm Guarantee that they would win, so everyone placed their bets on Arsenal to win the league. 

 [ "I guarantee it" ]

1: George Zimmer's closing statement, especially after the successful use of his monolithic man meat.

  * e.g.,  ... Hi, I’m George Zimmer, founder and CEO of the men's wearhouse. While surreptitiously plunging my rosy-cheeked cyclopean ally into the anal cavity of a young migrant farm worker of indeterminate gender in the front row of a movie theater, the poor youth screamed for more than three minutes straight, finally coughing up a load of 100% pure Zimmer sauce and passing out. The other movie patrons, angry at the interruption of the adventures of sharkboy and lavagirl in 3-d, began pelting me with drinks, food, and phone numbers hastily written on napkins. Unfortunately, my outrageously dapper suit was ruined in the process. I nonchalantly pulled the unconscious youth off my enormous eyeball gouger and stripped nude. Then, with a bestial roar, I beat the entire audience to death--without leaving the front row. On my way out, in the custom of the Zimmer family, I gave them a burial at semen. I guarantee it.