" engineer "

 [ "engineer" ]

1: "To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them. Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet." - Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

  * e.g.,  ... The engineer was the cause of the system meltdown 

 [ "engineer" ]

1: Suppose you meet a girl in a park. She's riding a bike. Taking off all her clothes she screams 'Take whatever you want'

  * e.g.,  ... Yea, the clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway 

 [ "engineer" ]

2: If you take the bike, you're an engineer.

 [ "engineer" ]

1: A person capable of making things work in unfathomable and near-magical ways. Generally possesses extreme levels of mechanical aptitude plus a formal education including large doses of applied math, physics and chemistry which he actually understands. Can perform calculations without using a calculator. Often builds his own mechanical devices from loose parts for self-amusement. A modern day witch. Often has difficulty relating to people because ideas on new and better ways of doing things are constantly flooding into his/her mind. In many cases just bringing an engineer into a room containing broken equipment causes the equipment to start working again.

  * e.g.,  ... One day an engineer found himself at the pearly gates. St. Peter looked him up in the book, and found that he was destined for the other place. The engineer protested that this must be a mistake, and that he had lived a righteous life, going to church every week, being faithful to his wife etc. to no avail. About 6 weeks later God reviews the lists and realizes that the engineer has been sent to the wrong place. So he rings up Lucifer and demands that the engineer be sent up. Lucifer says NO WAY. This guy was the best thing to ever happen here. He's got the AC working, we have running water and cable now too, and next week he thinks we will get internet access and an ice cream machine. God is pissed and yelling says "I'll sue". Lucifer says LOL where are you going to get a lawyer and hangs up. 

 [ "engineer" ]

1: Someone who relates to the universe in a mathematical but socially inept way.

  * e.g.,  ... Optimist: "The glass is half full." 

 [ "engineer" ]

1: A kick-ass uber-genius with godly math and science abilities, the training for wich being at the expence of those abilities for spelling and talking to members of the opposite sex.

  * e.g.,  ... "You know that you're an engineer if you can prove it mathematically" 

 [ "engineer" ]

1: someone who solves practical problems

  * e.g.,  ... If building stuff isn't solving problems then the engineer don't know what is. 

 [ "engineer" ]

1: One who lives by the motto "If it ain't broke, take it apart and find out why".

  * e.g.,  ... What's the difference between an engineer and a scientist? When engineers are wrong they get sued. 

 [ "engineer" ]

1: 1) More useful to society than an insurance salesman.

  * e.g.,  ... The aerospace engineer is the guy in the plane who is whimpering quietly and looking worried. 

 [ "engineer" ]

2: 2) More useful to the arms industry than a big bucket of grenades.

 [ "engineer" ]

3: 3) More likely to use statistics than 345% of the population.

 [ "engineer" ]

4: 4) Enjoys overcomplicating things.

 [ "engineer" ]

1: One who often finds himself in the middle of the battlefield collecting metal and building machines (such as teleporters) to help ensure victory. Arch enemy of the spy. Common phrases include; "Teleporter goin up" "Sentry goin up" and "SPY SAPPIN MY SENTRY!"

  * e.g.,  ... You: Hey engineer, keep checking your back. There's a spy around.  

 [ "engineer" ]

1: Typically an individual:

  * e.g.,  ... My iron ring cost me $25+$57,000 of student debt. 

 [ "engineer" ]

2: -with 180+ IQ

 [ "engineer" ]

3: -drinks a lot

 [ "engineer" ]

4: -low GPA

 [ "engineer" ]

5: Classical Engineering includes:

 [ "engineer" ]

6: -Electrical

 [ "engineer" ]

7: -Chemical

 [ "engineer" ]

8: -Mechanical

 [ "engineer" ]

9: -Civil

 [ "engineer" ]

10: Canadian engineers wear the iron ring on the pinky of their working hand.