" assisted "

 [ "assisted" ]

1: Retarded, Stupid

  * e.g.,  ... My teammates are the most assisted motherfuckers I've ever seen. 

 [ "assisted" ]

1: When you just finished having sex. You were assisted.

  * e.g.,  ... hey John, I just was assisted for Randy, she is a nice assisting woman. 

 [ "Assist" ]

1:  A statistic in sports, mainly hockey and soccer, when you pass the object in play to a teammate who then scores.

  * e.g.,  ...  In an ice hockey game, I got an assist by passing across the ice to my teammate who then shot and scored. 

 [ "Assist" ]

2:  A statistic in first-person shooters that shows how many times you tried to kill an enemy but your teammate had to finish the job.

  * e.g.,  ...  In Call of Duty I shot a guy in front of me only for him to strafe away and I got an assist after he ran right into my teammate's bayonet. 

 [ "Assistant" ]

1: A modern day slave. A person who does all of his/her spaz-attack boss’ dirty work. When receiving orders simply smiles and says “Yes sir,” “Yes ma’m,” and “not a problem, I’ll get started on it right away,” but really would like to say “you want me to do what?,” “are you freak'n kidding me, can't you see I’m still working on the last “project” you gave me?,” and “why the hell can’t you do that yourself.” When turning in work says “it was my pleasure,” “not a problem,” and “let me know if there is anything else I can do for you,” but would really like to say “here’s the shit you wanted,” “next time get it yourself,” and “if you come into my office one more time…”

  * e.g.,  ... Boss to assistant: I need you to do W, Y and Z now. Assistant: "Yes sir/ma'm, right away master. Would you like to me to polish your ass while I'm at it?" 

 [ "ASSist" ]

1: Opposite of cock block

  * e.g.,  ...  I ASSisted my nerdy brother by telling that chick he was starting quarterback for his high school team. That bitch was on him all night. 

 [ "ASSist" ]

2:  -verb

  * e.g.,  ...  I got the ASSist when I told her that my nerdy brother was rich. She was all over him. 

 [ "ASSist" ]

3: To help one recieve sexual pleasure from another person

 [ "ASSist" ]

4:  -noun

 [ "ASSist" ]

5: The result of helping one recieve sexual pleasure from another person

 [ "assistant" ]

1: the opposite hand used for masturbation; the hand that often holds a tissue, towel, or sock.

  * e.g.,  ... the skin on my assistant hand is softer than the skin on my right hand.. 

 [ "Assistication" ]

1: When you're at a restaurant and you order a main course meal only to find that the size of the dish is too big for you to finish, you ask a friend to assisticate you. A conjunction of the word "assist" and "mastication". They finish off the meal you paid thirty bucks for so you don't waste your money.

  * e.g.,  ... Rebecca: "This burger is the size of my head. Paige, will you assisticate me?" 

 [ "assist" ]

1:  assist n. When one dude helps his buddy hook up with a lady friend.

  * e.g.,  ... "Danny's hookin' up with Lisa. I totally had the assist on that." 

 [ "assist" ]

1: a person who dislikes people who act like an ass.

  * e.g.,  ... My intolerance of his obnoxios behavior made me realize I'm an assist. 

 [ "assistant" ]

1: A modern day slave. A person who has no life of their own and insist on serving others like a cheap whore with no backbone. Some whores are more expensive then others but still all of them lack backbones. A position for employment that requires little to no dignity.

  * e.g.,  ... While wiping my ass, my assistant went upwards and not down so I bitch slapped my assistant. Moses freed many assistants from Egypt then parted the Red Sea.