" statements "

 [ "statement" ]

1: someone wishing to stand out by voicing their own opinions. the fact i'm voicing my opinion on this is irrelevant. also attention whoring in the way they dress etc

  * e.g.,  ... hey, you hip emo crowd...stop being such a statement. 'cause your not... 

 [ "Statementing" ]

1: When someone strings multiple proclamations together, redundant or independent, when speaking.

  * e.g.,  ... Bernadette responded to mom’s lecture with, “Are you almost done statementing?” 

 [ "statementize" ]

1: want to take a statement from

  * e.g.,  ... Ms. Gonzalez, they want to statementize your witness, please give Ms. Singh the witness' phone number. 

 [ "statementation" ]

1: a word describing a statement or one who constantly makes them

  * e.g.,  ... Person One: Fish are friends, not food. 

 [ "if statement" ]

1: An if statement is a programming construct that executes logic based on application purpose. many people claim programming is difficult, but as can be seen by this very simple example, variables, functions and if statements all make sense once applied to a layman's terms use. DECLARE person_you_hate = <insert name of hated person>

  * e.g.,  ... Im going to use an if statement to settle this dispute 

 [ "if statement" ]

2: DECLARE disability = <insert name of disability> if ($person_you_hate = $disability) then

  * e.g.,  ... Dammit man, im an if statement, not a Star Trek character 

 [ "if statement" ]

3:  do send-to-gas-chamber

  * e.g.,  ... If statement = stupid then do kill-yourself-for-reading-this 

 [ "if statement" ]

4: else

  * e.g.,  ... else do shoot-a-small-furry-animal-for-fun 

 [ "if statement" ]

5:  do commit-suicide

  * e.g.,  ... end if 

 [ "if statement" ]

6: end if function send-to-gas-chamber{

 [ "if statement" ]

7: do grab $person_you_hate

 [ "if statement" ]

8: then shove $person_you_hate

 [ "if statement" ]

9: then close door

 [ "if statement" ]

10: then turn knob

 [ "if statement" ]

11: watch gas kill $person_you_hate

 [ "if statement" ]

12: return happy()} function commit-suicide{

 [ "if statement" ]

13: do grab $person_you_hate

 [ "if statement" ]

14: then humiliate $person_you_hate

 [ "if statement" ]

15: then hand $person_you_hate noose

 [ "if statement" ]

16: then force $person_you_hate onto wonky table

 [ "if statement" ]

17: watch $person_you_hate die

 [ "if statement" ]

18: return happy()}

 [ "Barnum Statement" ]

1: A Barnum Statement is a phrase used by conmen (for example a psychic) to try and make people think they have some deep insight into their psychology or life.

  * e.g.,  ... "The psychic told me that I was quite intelligent, but other people dont always see it" 

 [ "Barnum Statement" ]

2: They are also commonly used in horoscopes Barnum Statements are statements which most people will agree with, regarding themselves, while not realizing that almost every other person will also agree with them regarding their own lives examples are:

  * e.g.,  ... "Sounds like she was just feeding you a Barnum Statement" 

 [ "Barnum Statement" ]

3: "you have a good sense of humor, but not everyone sees it"

 [ "Barnum Statement" ]

4: "you tend to think about things before taking action"

 [ "Barnum Statement" ]

5: "You have had some major challenges in your life"

 [ "Barnum Statement" ]

6: "you recently had a disagreement with someone you care for"

 [ "Mission Statement" ]

1: The vague and unobtainable goals of a company or organization used by management to explain what the company or organization and they themselves do.

  * e.g.,  ... After months of meetings and repeated drafts they thought their new Mission Statement was perfectly clear, only problem was it really had nothing to do with what they did. 

 [ "cya statement" ]

1:  Cover Your Ass statement.

  * e.g.,  ... "Our faucet broke again, there's water everywhere and my computer's wrecked. I'm seriously suing the landlord for this one." -- "Dude, didn't you read the contract? There's a CYA statement saying he's not responsible for damage to personal property in the apartment." 

 [ "cya statement" ]

2:  A clause written into a legal document meant to protect some or all of the signers from litigation due to breach or other problem.

 [ "statement cookie" ]

1: a fortune cookie that doesn't actually have a fortune in it, instead they package it with a lame statement like; Versatility is one of your greatest features.

  * e.g.,  ... Guy 1: Heh, what does you fortune cookie say?  

 [ "Owen Statement" ]

1: A statement made about an observation that is overwhelmingly true (and/or funny) when you think about it, but a statement not anyone can make.

  * e.g.,  ... An Owen Statement example: A hot pretzel that gets cold at a sports game is colder than the actual temperature outside.