" consultations "

 [ "Consultant" ]

1: An unemployed white male

  * e.g.,  ... Dave is a consultant. 

 [ "Consultant" ]

1: Glorified business hooker, typically hired by a consulting whorehouse, which pimps out its consultants to clients, then proceed to fuck the consultants over until they're pleased (or until the consultants are dead), pay the whorehouse big bucks, leaving the consultant with little commission (including some hotel and airline points) and lasting trauma.

  * e.g.,  ... Hopeful college grad: What are some key qualities I need to have be a consultant? 

 [ "Consultant" ]

1: A self-proclaimed expert that extorts inflated fees from a host company in return for vague and predominently incorrect business advice.

  * e.g.,  ... "The consultant said that, once he has some free band-width, he will interface with his vast array of important contacts, leverage some syergies, and bring us up to speed with the rest of the industry.....No, really, those were his exact words." 

 [ "Consultant" ]

2: The successful consultant detaches from its host at the exact moment its parasitic qualities are discovered by upper management. Thus, the successful consultant's term of engagement will last from months to years, until a mildly attentive decision-maker realizes that their burning ray of hope is all talk. Note that some middle managers and all other employees of the host will immediately recognize the consultant as a pathogen.

 [ "Consultant" ]

3: In order to gain access to a viable host, the consultant preys upon upper managements' lack of job expertise and unrealisistic dreams of grandure. By using a string of buzz-words and metaphors that appear as incoherent babble to most humans, the consultant will usually succeed in gaining an assignment to fix a non-existant problem purportedly caused by the host's employees.

 [ "consulting" ]

1: The act of telling your client you know how to "grab the low hanging fruit" or that task "is like trying to rearrange the deck furniture on the Titanic." One then charges a ton of money to the client for something that could have easily been done by a trained monkey. This scam continues to the next client once the original realizes they can do the same work for much cheaper.

  * e.g.,  ... I was going to work for a large bank, but then I realized I could do easier work and make more money consulting for the banks, by using meaningless phrases executives love to hear. 

 [ "consultant" ]

1: Someone who borrows your watch to tell you the time, and then walks off with it

  * e.g.,  ... a consultant is a legitimate, occasionally usefull professional adivser 

 [ "consultant" ]

1: A man who knows 500 different ways to make love, but doesn't know any women.

  * e.g.,  ... The gov't. mistakenly hired a plethora of consultants to find a solution to the problem. 

 [ "consultant" ]

1: A bullshit artist who is paid to provide ideas to managers, who then make the ideas appear to employees as if they were their own. Meanwhile, the consultant runs off to the the service of another client in order to avoid being around to take the blame when their obscurantist, superficial ideas are actually implemented.

  * e.g.,  ... Here's that douchebag consultant again who is going to give some quadrant diagram on mitigation strategies for $2k/day. 

 [ "consultanted" ]

1: When you want to explain something ridiculous looking professional whilst doing it.

  * e.g.,  ... Rod just consultanted you! 

 [ "consult" ]

1: Verb. To provide a penis with please via mouth.

  * e.g.,  ... "After our date last night, that whore consulted me" 

 [ "consultants" ]

1: those unfortunate idiots who are caught between the reality of existence and the percieved reality their family, friends, associates, or computer software is telling them. a consequence of motivated conditioning towards reward and a separation from individual thoughts about the natural world.

  * e.g.,  ... anyone who manipulates other people to achieve a superfluous lifestyle. tactics usually include: friendship or some sort of cult or religious believe. 

 [ "consultants" ]

2: no sense of appreciation or respect for privacy.

  * e.g.,  ... they coast off the accomplishments of harder working people, which would be fine if they didnt turn the world world into a mockery and try to pull them into it. " we are consultants for insert communication company here because we thought it would be the easiest way to be rich and happy." 

 [ "consultants" ]

3: unfortunately they are a real pain in the ass to intelligent people.

 [ "consultants" ]

4: they will usually mimic in order to achieve their delusional goals.