" columns "

 [ "columns" ]

1: A neverending puzzle game made originally for sega's 16bit arcade hardware and ported to the Megadrive.

  * e.g.,  ... I got home from school and started a game of columns, next thing I knew, my alarm clock was going off. 

 [ "columns" ]

2: Was later ported to the 8bit Master System but the less said about that the better.

  * e.g.,  ... Teacher: Where's your homework?? 

 [ "columns" ]

3: Often wrongly referred to as a "tetris clone" as the gameplay is completley different - colored gems must be aligned together to destroy them and prevent them filling the screen. Columns pwns Tetris' ass all night long

  * e.g.,  ... Student: Well... You see I was gonna do it but I started a game of columns 

 [ "columns" ]

4: This was where the fun began, Without the arcade's timing system constantly badgering you for money you are free to start a game of colums and forfeit the rest of the day. The haunting music in your dreams for eternity.

  * e.g.,  ... Teacher: OK, have it as soon as you can, you should go home and get some sleep, you look terrible. 

 [ "columns" ]

5: Eventually as the game speeds up the gems can be slowed by "dropping" them, but by this stage you aint blinked in an hour and the game seems to be playing itself any way.

 [ "columns" ]

6: More adictive than crack; A truly great game.

 [ "columns" ]

7: Is basically a metaphor for life, but I aint got time to explain

 [ "columns" ]

8: A universal excuse for not doing something.

 [ "columnizing" ]

1: Relating to making into columns.

  * e.g.,  ... Flash's TLF Library makes columnizing text awesomely easy. 

 [ "Column FU" ]

1: The Default title of column “FU” in every Excel spreadsheet should be the name of your office a-hole. In our office, Mike is the hands down winner...

  * e.g.,  ... Everyone in our office changed Column FU in their Excel spreadsheets to “Mike”. That way when Mike is being really annoying in a meeting or conference call you can scroll over to bring that up on your screen. Even better if you are presenting... 

 [ "fifth column" ]

1: A group within a state that attempts to subvert and weaken the state in order to assist an enemy. First used during the Spanish Civil War.

  * e.g.,  ... The characterization of leftists in the United States as a Communist 'fifth column' by the McCarthyist witchhunters survives today in post-9/11 America; only now Arabs and Muslims are blacklisted. 

 [ "great column" ]

1: A man with a large or especially long penis.

  * e.g.,  ... "My girlfriend calls me 'The Great Column' because I have a massive horse cock." 

 [ "hot column" ]

1: When you're having sex and you suddenly get that hot column of air from a stanky vagina that singes the nostrils.

  * e.g.,  ... "Dude I was poundin that shit out and totally got hot columned!" 

 [ "Stoner column" ]

1: A stoner column is a long growth of hair from the chin not atypical of male stoners. It is basically a goatee without the mustache.

  * e.g.,  ... That dude I smoked with at the party has a stoner column that goes down to his waist. 

 [ "Turnip Column" ]

1: A large column comprised of turnips.

  * e.g.,  ... Look at that huge turnip column! 

 [ "Nelson's Column" ]

1: A euphemism for Admiral Horatio Nelson's penis.

  * e.g.,  ... The British chose to honor their fallen admiral by erecting a giant, stone column for him. Nelson's column is a prominent feature in the London sky. (Also, in his pants.) 

 [ "Russian Column" ]

1: A clogged toilet usually consisting of stubbornly rigid, immovable turds.

  * e.g.,  ... Somebody call the janitor, we got a Russian column in stall