" pathologist "

 [ "Plant pathologist" ]

1: A plant pathologist is someone who hates plants. They may be seen as plant-lovers and advertise themselves by motivating that they want to save the planet by curing all plant diseases, but secretly they love looking at dead plants. During their studies they get the opportunity to inoculate plants with pathogens and watch them die. They argue that this cruel act is necessary to save the rest, however, they enjoy the moment.

  * e.g.,  ... John loved biology in school. His biology teacher knew it and recommended he become a plant pathologist. But he hated plants. He rejected her advice. Years later, he found out what plant pathologists actually do - they kill plants. He now lives a happy life, killing plants and looking at dead ones. His biology teacher was right. 

 [ "Speech Language Pathologist" ]

1: A career that brings true joy and satisfaction. Speech pathologists are experts in communication. They work across the lifespan preventing, diagnosing and treating a wide range of communication and swallowing impairments. We work tirelessly to ensure positive clinical outcomes and improvements for all. We are advocates, activists and aides. We promote inclusivity. We empower individuals, we connect individuals, we educate families and communities. We research, collaborate, counsel, support, prevent, screen, assess and treat. We create and enable meaningful interactions and moments. We serve. We strive for equity, fairness and accessibility- working to achieve a service for all. Ultimately, we ensure that everyone can communicate, a basic human right after all.

  * e.g.,  ... I wish I was a speech language pathologist. Everyone loves speech language pathologists. When I had a brain injury the speech language pathologist helped me to communicate to my loved ones. 

 [ "Speech Language Pathologist" ]

1: An occupation that requires too much schooling so you can “make people talk”. Also, helps neurologically impaired people swallow their food. Can play cards with dementia patients and push buttons of pictures on computers too.

  * e.g.,  ... Nurse: “Watch out if you don’t swallow that pill, I’m going to tell the Speech Language Pathologist.” SLP: (Holding up a pen). What is this? Patient: (pushes button with picture of a pen) Computer : Says “Pen” Patients Spouse: “You are the best Speech Language Pathologist.”