" advisements "

 [ "Advise" ]

1: An overly used verb used by douchey corporate types to sound more professional in emails and conference calls.

  * e.g.,  ...  I have not yet received that report. Please advise. 

 [ "will advise" ]

1: Corporate jargon for Fuck Off.

  * e.g.,  ... I am working on the Alabama case files right now, and will have them on your desk by 4pm, unless you call me into another meeting about the break room microwave again. 

 [ "adviser" ]

1: Adviser is a fat cunt, who should get heart disease caused by eating way to many takeaways.

  * e.g.,  ... "Mum whats for dinner" 

 [ "adviser" ]

2: This fat cunt creates a whole new YouTube era for minecraft as he is the fattest cunt to ever touch the pvp community (excluding Erouax) Hope this pussy dies thx for reading!

  * e.g.,  ... "shut the fuck up Adviser you fat cunt" 

 [ "advised" ]

1: Getting savagely drunk.

  * e.g.,  ... I proceeded to get advised as soon as we entered the bar. 

 [ "ill advised" ]

1: When something is not wise or prudent.

  * e.g.,  ... “I met this girl on the internet she said come chill around her way tonight.” 

 [ "Please Advise" ]

1: Corporate Jargon for What The Fuck.

  * e.g.,  ... Dear jim, I have not yet received the Alabama case files I asked you to Send. Please Advise. 

 [ "Please Advise" ]

1: An extremely stuffy phrase used by business executives to close emails when they don't understand how to ask a real question. It basically means "Please use your imagination to figure out what the fuck I need to know to make a decision on this item without making me look like an idiot in front of all the people I CCed" "Please Advise" is typically used in place of "Thanks" in formatting an email. It is very passive aggressive. Always assume that the user of the phrase "please advise" is a college graduate that follows the advice of his professors to a T... Even 15 years later..

  * e.g.,  ... Dear Luke, I recently got a call from Alex in LA telling me that we're out of blinkity blank in California so the blippity blue isn't working. What-the-fuck what-the-fuck we're losing 15k a day what-the-fuck save me please. Please Advise, 

 [ "Please Advise" ]

1: The proverbial business bitchslap.

  * e.g.,  ... Hi Carrie, How are you? Happy Monday! I was wondering when you were going to get me that quote I asked for last week. If we don't get the ball rolling ASAP my client will look for another company. Please advise. All the best, 

 [ "Please be advised" ]

1: A meaningless phrase that prefaces relevant information. It is basically unnecessary if not redundant, as one is engaged in the very act of “advising” when issuing a warning, imparting knowledge, or giving advice. “Please be advised” is used excessively by people in law enforcement and sometimes by those who became serious about life at a very late age, and now maintain blogs that purport to warn the public about what is largely one-sided, uninteresting crap.

  * e.g.,  ... Ryan: Officer Murphy, please be advised that our suspect is driving a Jeep. Murphy: Ryan, the fact that you’re advising me is understood in the information you have just given to me. Saying “please be advised” is an unnecessary redundancy that pollutes our radio communication. Ryan: Ten-four. 

 [ "self-advising" ]

1: 'Self-Advising' is the term for doing what you ought not, KNOWING BEFOREHAND that you ought NOT and yet . . . you do it anyway. This is especially true of calling with a known dead hand in poker. Against our own best advice to ourselves and gut instincts (and sometimes even the odds), we do what we know is wrong because . . . well, you know the list of reasons, we all have them and interchange and use them at random.

  * e.g.,  ... When am I going to start listening to myself and STOP! listening to myself? That's what I get for self-advising again.